change is as good as a holiday... man i need a holiday!!

okay, so I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this, but I'm moving over to Livejournal.

If you're interested, my new site is :

http://bella-rambles.livejournal.com/

not sure if I'll pop back in here every so often.. anyway catch xx

so i am now beginning to accept the inevitable truth that i can walk away now, because now there is nothing left to walk away from.

except maybe a small piece of my heart... that you can keep.

well we were a couple, then we weren't, then we were friends, then we fucked.

and now we're trying to be friends again... but it's not easy... not easy at all.

I think I really miss you, and I think I am realising that now more than ever... because now I dont have you, not one part of you.

They say life really doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself... to think about how things have changed... agreed.

Finally, a conscious decision to end this charade.

One problem... This was supposed to be my decision!

You stole my move right out from underneath me. I wonder if you had noticed that I was beginning to have doubts about our situation..? Did you just want to get in before I had the chance to end it? Or is this how you really feel?

Would I really have made the move... could I really have ended it... let you go... said that final goodbye? Well now I'll never know, you did not give me the chance.

No more fake smiles just for the sake of being a part of your life. It ends tonight.

Stop expecting change,
He's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around,
You could have anyone,
So leave undeserving him
currently listening to: TSL, Saddest Girl Song

i think it's funny... it's not funny

The more i sleep, the more tired i seem to become. It's as if my body is becoming addicted to this peaceful oasis that occurs in my dreams. An oasis far from the drama and confusion of my current existence.

Despite all of this sleep, all i seem to notice when i look in the mirror are the dark circles under my eyes. I can't handle the secrets they represent.

you dont trust him, but you want him

you wish you could hate him but you don't

you can't

and that doesn't surprise you as much as it should surprise you

you don't know who he is anymore... you don't know who you are anymore

but it doesn't make a shit of a difference

except when he touches you.

an actual phonecall...

that leash you have tied so symbolically to my heart.. just got considerably tighter.

love me, please

I just want to be able to breathe without missing you.

I wish that I could actually take interest when another boy wants to talk to me.

You're in my head, my heart, my soul.

My hands are tired, and so are my eyes, but sleep never comes. I lay awake for hours at night wondering if you're doing okay (Really doing okay!) and I try to send you my love, through my thoughts, my dreams, even my pen.

Your sweet smile is forever etched into my mind, I do nothing to remove it.